အံ့သြစရာ
It was after six, late in the evening. I looked up at the sky and noticed a wisp of cloud drifting above. The sun had set, and the moon was already out, mingling with a ghostly wisp of cloud and slipping behind it. I walked wearily back home, feeling depressed, hopeless, and confused. As I walked, I couldn’t shake the weight of my thoughts. I had to make a change in my life. I had to leave this bloody country. There was no future here. This place could end up like Syria or any number of failed states. I was down, down to the bottom of the deepest ocean.
I wanted a drink.
I popped into a corner shop and picked up a bottle of soju. The lable on the bottle told me that it was "Mojito flavour". Did I care? Hell no all I wanted was to get wasted tonight anyway..exhaustion weighed unbearably heavily on me. On the way home I uttered the following words out of desperation. I repeated them to myself as if they were my mantra, as if they might save me. No one can blame a drowning man who clutches at a straw, can they? Believe me, I am at my lowest now.
“Dear God,” I began.
“I ask for no wealth, no health, and no protection but this:
Show me a sign, show me a signal, and show me a way.
To get out of this labyrinth of suffering.
Alive or dead, I do not care.”
When I arrived home, I had a quick dinner, then locked myself away in my room and opened the bottle with desperate eagerness. Much to my dismay, the cap didn’t come off easily, leaving me even more frustrated. I pressed harder and finally managed to twist that bloody thing off. I took my long-awaited first sip and scrolled aimlessly through Instagram, half-numb and half-hoping for a distraction, until I saw the following post. Coincidence? I can’t say but there it was, the sign I had begged for. I gave it the benefit of the doubt.
I asked for it and it was delivered. I felt as though God had answered my prayer. I chose 3 because it has always felt like my number and I followed the colour like an obedient student only to find myself surprised in the very end.
The final result struck me like a lightning bolt. It was shocking. Nothing I could have imagined.
Don't give up it said.. and that I should be pround of my small progress. All I could do was accept and embrace myself. Perhpas I was drunk or too weak to place my faith in such coincidence? Yes, it was deep and I felt it too. This was the sign. I had asked for it and it had been delivered. Yes, it was a sign..please tell me that you would agree too?
Of course, this was a sign! It has got to be. Do you believe in a miracle?