ပြန်လည်ဆန်းစစ် နှစ်ထောင်နှစ်ဆယ့်နှစ်
It’s scary how time flashes by.
Times dissolve into a thick dark fog. Things that happened last week seem like years ago, and things that happened last year feel like yesterday. I suppose this is the side effect of growing older.
Usually, at this time of the year, I would put ကြုံရင်ပြောပေးပါ (Kyone Yin Pyay Par) by Big Bag and a few favourite Xmas records on repeat, but this year I felt different. I wanted the door to the past to remain closed.
Looking back on the year, the most liberating that I ever did for myself in decades, on the contrary to my forced live-a-sensible-lifestyle-Jonathan, was –
I welcomed the year 2022 with a bottle of cheap wine – piss drunk, and danced care-freely (စိတ်လွတ်ကိုယ်လွတ်) and ungracefully to the song of
တို့ကိုကြီးကျော် by ဗီဗာဟိန်း
(DJ version) with friends whom I befriended at a place I was temporarily staying.
All I wanted for this year was a change – “a new year, new me” was in my head.
I applied for a job through a friend I made an acquittance last year. I was genuinely looking forward to securing that job position at a humanitarian organisation in a border town in the northern part of the country. It was more to
the destination than the job itself that took the interest. I wanted an “escape”, away from the hustle-bustle-city-life, and from family/friends and all their hang-ups and expectations. I was looking for a hideout.
The first two months of the year were stressful. I struggled and walked through every level of hell. March came and put me out of my misery. I got the bloody job after a long and painful hiring process. I threw cautions and those
cliché to the wind and leapt into the darkness. I set out for the unbeknownst place with my head filled with possible dreams and my heart filled with bare minimum desire.
Little did I know that finding my feet in a remote, desolate, and politically unstable border town was much harder than I expected. The excitement of meeting new people and unfamiliar sights, sounds and smells eventually wore off.
Food, communication, and loneliness took their turns to toll on me. It took me months to acclimatise myself to living in this part of the country.
The clashes between the two armed groups broke out and got intensified in about two months. Our operation came to an abrupt halt. The flow of the goods, medicines, and commercial transportation were put to a stop. There were no free
movements until recently, yet the import of medicines is still prohibited. There was a time I honestly thought we would die of starving.
I lived with constant worries and anxieties throughout those times. The depression woke me up in the middle of the night and ate me alive. There were times I tested the water too. I acquired things that were forbidden. I pushed the
boundaries, set myself at risk and exposed myself to dangers, and quite frankly challenged the system. Perhaps, these were the prices I had to pay for the life I wished to have.
Despite the setbacks and dissatisfactions, I was blessed and surrounded by many good friends at the workplace and outside. They helped me settle in. Gradually, I found myself well integrated into the system & culture and became
a moving part of the machinery that kept going with time. I met a roommate in June. I like to believe that we got on well. He is a nice chap and likes to mind his own business.
Dora Alex’s Sunset (နေဝင်ချိန်) was the tune of the year because it felt like I could resonate. I would wistfully sing along to the verse – are you okay? I miss you so
much. Is Yangon making you depressed? I failed to understand why I thought of it again. Here, the sunset is late.
Indeed, the sunsets were late in April.
Not much for personal development apart from reading – still an old habit of mine that I like to nurture. I read a lot this year. I read to pass time. I read to forget things. I read to run away from reality. I read more Burmese
books than I ever did in the past. I even started replying to text messages in Burmese scripts that shocked most of my friends – a friend of mine even made a big deal out of it and told me that I’d changed. I took it as a compliment
because I wanted a change this year – and it happened.
I had a chance to travel back home in late October for 4 days. Having spent months in exile, I felt alive again as I was able to reconnect to the forgotten world. It did feel like I took a deep dive and came back up for
much-needed air, but I was disappointed to see the world was passing by. It made me question – La guerre, est-elle terminée?
I paid a visit to most of the places where me and my mates used to hang out to reminisce about the old
times we spent together. It brought me no joy but much pain which I couldn’t tolerate. It’s true that the ache of someone that we miss/love never goes away. The absence, indeed, has made our hearts grow fonder of each other
now.
I wanted to try vaping – an e-cigarette, as a change of heart. I was an inch close to buying it but a need to change the coins frequently put me off and the prices too. Being short of money, I had no choice but to make a virtue of
necessity. The first time I understand the limitations and importance of money in life.
If one asks me about the most visited places this year, I’d say teashop without hesitation. Teashop-going culture was not my thing back at home. Here, it became a well-practiced ritual. Our oasis, our little escape where we all
played the “Get off your chest” game so well, discussed office politics, country politics, and many other topics. A week that passed without a teashop visit never felt complete. I had picked up a fishing hobby as well, which I did
with my colleagues and roommate often over the weekends.
I travelled the famous Angu-maw road on a motorbike twice. It was a thrilling experience. I plan to blog about my travel experience.
Much to other amusements but to my dismay, I fell into a sewage drain in Akyab and had to receive a tetanus shot. It now surely feels like a hilarious accident but was a quite traumatising experience for me back then. Again, it’s
true that we can name every disaster, but none of them will feel significant in course of a time frame.
What’s else? I lost my blue blood, pure blood. I had covid jabs.
My political perception remains the same as before and still strong as before. I like to quote the wisdom of Ma Phyu Phyu Kyaw Thein who once said, “Perception is not a seasonal thing!”
I wish to end the year with ယုံကြည်ရာ (Yone Kyi Yar) & ခရီးအဆုံးထိ (Kha Yee A Sone Hti) by Lay Phyu.